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| Last time I posted here, I think I was still with joe, or maybe we had just broke up. Well since then I met dave, we moved in renting his parents finished basement, and got engaged. We are due to get married on may 17th(2009) and its been shaky because he likes to throw the fact that we want to get married in my face sometimes and it really pisses me off.
Well we have been looking into buying a house, taking advantage of the market sucking balls right now. Also so I can get away from his mother before I ruin our (mother daughter type)relationship, Or she ruins dave and my relationship. about a month ago she told us the internet would be going off at night because verizon is working on the lines for a week. Well that was a month ago, and since the internet has still been shut off every night at various times. And sometimes for a few days.
Well I posted an ad on craigslist about me looking to get a graphics job AND about an hour later the internet went off, and was off every time I got home for the past three days. I got 4 Emails about my ad, and when I responded I got "oh sorry I didnt think you were going to take so long to respond" oh ha ha. So Ive been cursing verizon about this for a few days now. well mother in law to be and the upstairs crew left at 9am this morning, I checked my e-mail around 830am and it was fine. Well after they left the internet shut off and mysteriously stayed off for the whole day. I got suspicious and well me being me went up to check to see if the modem was still on. GUESS WHAT!!! IT WASNT!! the power strip with the modem a printer and a scanner was shut off, but the one with all of the computer crap was still on!
YEY ME!! I have the internet, but I still dont have a bloody job that will pay me!! bastards. This is going to end the same way my last rent did. Me being fed up with getting stepped on. and then getting kicked out.
ITs not just this tho. There have been so many things that make me think she is out to get me. I had a huge garden of pumpkins and gourds and sunflowers and she KILLED THEM ALL!!!! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY PLANTS-SHE KILLED!! by digging up things around my plants, or "accidently" tilling the ground over it. She threw out things that were VERY important to me, like my rats house. MY poor baby dies and thats all I had left of her was her house and LADY THREW IT AWAY!!! how can I live like this? she "cleans" and moves things around so I Cant find anything. The nefew comes down and takes whatever he wants. I STILL CANT FIND MY GOOD FLASHLIGHTS OR THE QUAD KEY!!! We were going to have the wedding in the yard at the house here, I had EVERYThiNG figured out! and she comes with three months till the wedding and says "I dont think it will work in the yard here". She did find a fire hall for us to have it, but we cant have alcohol there, and WhAT IS A WEDDING WITHOUT ALCOHOL!?!? and the past month she has been "WEll money isnt looking good, do you want me to cancel it?"
I want to move out but I need dave to want to move out too, and he refuses to do his budget!!!
Its to a point were I find myself in a lose lose situation. My life is spiraling out of control and I want nothing less than to kill myself. I have a feeling she even cancelled the fire hall and didnt say anything to us yet. I have no idea if she is doing any of this to make me mad, but it is SOOOOO working.
it all sounds like drama drama that will just pass... but it really isnt. I havent been myself for a few weeks now, and just getting worse and worse. Dave makes me feel even shyttier and I just lost the will to really make life happen... | | |
| Things arent well. I know no one is here that I kno anymore...
I almost succeded in killing myself last night. Not on porpus... I wasnt trying. But I almost did. I was really upset and depressed. Joe dumped me... Ive been having problems with my mind. And Ive been stressing. Alot. Before the joe problem... Depression, Anger, frustration, sadness. I mean It sucks being me. And I cut myself to bleed, where I have no blood. They heal in only a day. No scars... no proof. but cuts from accidents, like the cats... they stay. no where near as deep as the ones I make.
I took too much of my medicine... The wrong one. and It made me really sick. I couldnt get out of bed until 7 at night. tonight.
I need help... | | |
| Long time no type yet again...
Its been almost a year. And now Im apart from my joey bear again. hes in mass Im in md
whats the world coming to now adays? pets have come and gone and after my mouse sunny, and joes mouse kiba died, I wanted a rat, and now I have the rat of my dreams, her name is athena. shes blind but a real sweetie. thats about all thats big in my life right now. | | |
| Ive been having alot of trouble sleeping, before it was because I couldnt stop thinking... now its that, and Joe started talking in his sleep. Things are beginning to get edgie. I got a job today, I go in thursday at 11a so I hope that will help me, if not I might need help... elsewhere. | | |
| Well I just cant sleep. I have my unexplained reasons. and then I have my unanswered questions...
I gotta wake up in 5 hrs? maybe 6. thats long enough to dream, and not long enough to sleep. Im looking foreward to going to skool with joe tomorrow. well... today. Im edgie about getting a job... Praying they call me back with good news and unsucky hours... well other than that... things are good I guess...
bleh... I love typing to myself. | | |
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